You don’t watch enough sports

If you don't watch, listen, read, or masturbate while thinking about professional sports on a daily basis, you are missing out.

Read this article and you'll fall in love with professional sports along with the author.

Pirates dominate Jays once again

      By Ray Turner and "Lou from Pittsburgh"

Photo illuration by Lou 

Though The Jays won the game, The Pirates dominated in terms of team spirit.

Baseball is one of the most under-rated sports today. To the untrained spectator, a ballgame can seem downright boring. Until recently, I even felt this way myself. But after witnessing last night's electrifying match-up between the Pittsburgh Pirates and Toronto Blue Jays, I’m now a baseball fiend.

For you “rookies” out there, baseball involves two opposing teams that alternate between "fielding" and "batting". Believe it or not, they do this nine times. You might think that you'd be ready to go home after the sixth "inning" when your ass completely loses feeling, and the Pittsburgh fan behind you spills his beer down the back of your shirt. Yet somehow you feel compelled to stay.

You don’t know what love is

The following article shows it’s not always easy to recognize true love.

Test results vindicate Gibbs 

Canadian Press - June 3, 2011

TORONTO - The Canadian Academy of Science announced today a Toronto man is the most heart-broken person in history.

The announcement follows weeks of rigorous testing on Cody Gibbs, 19. The findings show Gibbs has experienced unprecedented levels of angst and self-pity after being dumped by his girlfriend. Gibbs volunteered for the tests in order to silence accusations that he overreacted to the breakup.