Friday, June 3, 2011

You don’t know what love is

The following article shows it’s not always easy to recognize true love.

Test results vindicate Gibbs 

Canadian Press - June 3, 2011

TORONTO - The Canadian Academy of Science announced today a Toronto man is the most heart-broken person in history.

The announcement follows weeks of rigorous testing on Cody Gibbs, 19. The findings show Gibbs has experienced unprecedented levels of angst and self-pity after being dumped by his girlfriend. Gibbs volunteered for the tests in order to silence accusations that he overreacted to the breakup.

 Last month, Gibbs received national attention when he launched his blog, Tortured Romeo. The website features Gibb’s original poetry, such as this entry.

Tortured Romeo also includes a photo album labled “Wish you were here,” consisting of self portraits of Gibbs sitting alone at places he used to visit with his girlfriend.

Gibbs quickly gained popularity, but a vocal minority labeled him a “drama queen”. Reportedly, even Gibbs’ family and friends assumed he was being overdramatic, and that he would eventually “get over it.” Gibb’s father confessed he was one of the critics.

“It was his first relationship and they had only been dating a month. I said, ‘Everyone goes through this sometime. Trust me, poetry is never the answer.’”

Lead researcher on the project, Professor Hans Glüten, said Gibbs was an unusual case.

“When Cody was first brought to us, he was malnourished, he had long neglected his hygiene and he was sobbing uncontrollably. It was extremely irritating just to be in Cody's presence.”

Gibbs' tragic story recently catapulted him to stardom.
But once they began testing, it became clear there was a reason behind Gibbs’ annoying behavior. He scored a 7.9 on the pining scale with a rate of 6 wpm (whines per minute).

For comparison, the average breakup results in a score of 3.5 for at least one partner, and the average man reaches 4.0 when a restaurant discontinues his favourite sandwich. Professor Glüten said most people are incapable of understanding what Gibbs is feeling.

“It’s clear Cody and Amanda had something very special. It’s inconceivable she would throw it all away. If there’s any justice in this world, she’ll grow fat and die alone.”

Gibbs however, is expected to go on to great things. Earlier this week, he was spotted with Swedish-Japanese supermodel Ivanna Blohyu-Alldae. He’s also in early talks with Michael Bay to star in a film trilogy based on his ordeal.

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